A possible snag has appeared in Tony Stewart's Chase for the Cup of Chicken Fries--14-team Gas Man Jeff Patterson was immediately approached after this Sunday's race with several lucrative offers.
"Its obvious that fuel mileage will determine not only races, but the whole championship", said team owner Richard Childress. "That's why we felt that we HAD to offer Mr. Patterson $1,000,000 to jump ship, plus all the Jimmy John's subs he can eat."
Very little is known about Patterson, other than the fact that he seems to have mastered the new fueling system. A perfunctory search reveals that he cut his teeth with noted Tom Cruise-lookalike Greg Sacks.
"Look, nobody likes fuel mileage races, but you race the race you're given", remarked team owner Joe Gibbs. "We've made Jeff a very lucrative offer--$750,000 per year, an unlimited supply of M&M's, and we can guarantee that he won't have to come anywhere near that weird kid in the 20 car."
Patterson was unavailable for comment, as it was still being determined if he actually WAS the gasman of the team, or if it was Rick Pigeon.
In a related story, JJ Yeley is offering his services for a "decent ham & egg breakfast".
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